very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
