Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
