you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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