just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
