Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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