I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize