He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
