you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
