My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
