drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
