My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
