I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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