You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
