I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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