ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
