Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize