Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
