I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
