Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize