So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
