you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
