I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
