do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
