well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
