you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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