Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
