We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
