I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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