im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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