I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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