i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
