I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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