Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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