Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
