shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
