i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
