Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
