Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
