The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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