Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this will be a night to untag.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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