i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
