Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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