I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
