the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
