This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
