Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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