My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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