Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize