wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
