I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
