there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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