dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
