Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i love accidental penises.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
