My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
