Where did you get a picture of my penis
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
