I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
