dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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