mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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