So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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