I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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