JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
