Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
