shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
