dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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