I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
