Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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