I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
