Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
