Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
