Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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