i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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