my phone needs a breathalizer
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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