I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
