This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
