So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
